Movie #55 - Batman Returns

Batman Returns

Warner Bros. Pictures

1992 - Rated PG-13 - 2 hr 6 min

Director: Tim Burton

Starring: Michael Keaton, Danny DeVito, Michelle Pfiefer, Christopher Walken

Here's another great cast given some crappy writing. I really, really wish that Batman hadn't returned, but here we are again.

This time, Christopher Walken is a big corporate jerk who wants to build a power plant. To get his way, he teams up with the Penguin (more on him later) to try to unseat the Mayor and get approval to build. Obviously, Batman is too energy conscious to allow such a superfluous construction to be built. Obviously.

And oh yeah, Michelle Pfiefer works for Walken, figures out he's a scumbag, and so he pushes her out a window. But since she's a crazy, dowdy cat lady, all the cats in the neighborhood team up to bring her back to life. Thank God. Now she has nine lives and suddenly knows how to make a pleather cat suit. In the words of 90's male viewers who needed the eye candy, Thank God.

I think her character is solely intended to empower women. She fights back against jerky men. Those big jerks. They're just... such jerks. And if only someone had actual claws to scratch them across their jerky faces, women will suddenly earn equal wages. Glass ceiling be damned! Catwoman is here.

But I digress.

The Penguin is even more of a joke. He was born deformed so his parents dropped him in a sewer (obviously, cuz that's what you do) where he was raised by penguins. Apparently, DC Comics and Tim Burton wanted to explore the alternative Tarzan's life. Just so you know, being raised by penguins makes you evil.

Mike argues that comic books always have "weird" plot lines and characters in them, and this is
supposed to be like that. Fine. I'm ok with that. But penguin-raised bad guys have no place anywhere, not even a comic book. Sorry, kids.