Movie #343 - King Arthur

King Arthur
2004 - Rated PG-13 - 2 hr 6 min
Director: Antoine Fuqua
Starring: Clive Owen, Ioan Gruffudd, Mads Mikkelsen, Hugh Dancy, Joel Edgerton, Ray Winstone, Keira Knightley, Stephen Dillane, Stellan Skarsgard

I think they should've put blue-faced Keira Knightly on the poster, but maybe that's just me.

In a Roman Empire-era retelling of the classic King Arthur, Clive Owen brings stately poise to a role played by many greats before him... including Sean Connery.  A strong ensemble cast makes this a solid attempt, and it's nice to see real horses instead of coconuts (Monty Python...) and a quest that's not for the grail.  The knights are on one last mission before they earn their freedom, possibly the most dangerous mission they've ever faced.  Some will live, some won't.  But everyone fights like mad... including Keira.

It's a nice reboot since it breaks away from the dressed-up versions of this story to reveal a grittier, dirtier, humbler iteration.  I like it for its originality and also for the its lead role's effortless handsomeness. What can I say? Clive Owen is pretty rad.

Movie #311 - Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
2008 - Rated PG-13 - 2 hr 2 min
Director: Steven Spielberg
Starring: Harrison Ford, Karen Allen, Cate Blanchett, Shia LeBeouf, Ray Winstone, John Hurt, Jim Broadbent

Nearly twenty years after Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Lucas and friends thought it would be a good idea to relive the glory days with a brand new adventure.  Indiana's middle-aged now, still getting into trouble, and dealing with getting old and losing friends and his dad. 

I have to admit - especially after seeing the Rocky Balboa, a similar attempt - I had my reservations.  My initial reaction? "This is gonna suck."  But my love of Indiana drew me to the theater anyway and I tried to give it a chance.  Despite a short nap somewhere in the middle, I saw it.... and hated it.
Lots of the jokes felt rehashed and recycled.  Everyone had wrinkles. (Not a problem, except when you're not using to seeing these characters like that.) And the whole Shia LeBeouf thing could've been better than it was.... I mean, what kind of name is Mutt? Is that a weak play on "We named the dog Indiana" and now your son has a dog name too?  That's stupid, George Lucas. Stupid.

Mike insisted on buying this DVD to complete our quartet and so I had to watch it again.  Them's the rules.  So for the first time since that horrific day in the theater, I watched Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. This time, I did not fall asleep. And I really did give it a fair shot.

So here's my new impression.  **SPOILER ALERT** The first 3/4 of the movie aren't any worse than Temple of Doom.  There's a clear adventure in the works, and assorted curve balls get Indiana on his way.  The whole Karen Allen and her son subplot is worked in well, so it's not too jarring when you find out about that.  Actually, you kind of guess it. 

But then you get to the end.  ALIENS? ALIENS, GEORGE? WHAT THE HELL?! The ending ruins everything.  I might even take the aliens if it weren't for the whole "They're not from outer space, they're from and interdimension, the space between spaces" bull crap.  I call shenanigans.  And then the "space ship" or whatever the heck it is, lifts up and creates a giant rock tornado - that SOMEHOW does NOT kill anyone standing two feet away from it - and goes up and away into not space, but "inter space." WHAT THE HELL, GEORGE LUCAS?  All of a sudden, Indiana Jones is a sci-fi.  I hate this so much.

I really wanted the movie to be better the second time. And I managed to stomach the lame rehashed jokes and wrinkles this time. I even laugh when Indiana teases Marion for getting captured.... again (see my Raiders review).  But I can't accept the aliens. I just can't.

Movie #280 - Edge of Darkness

Edge of Darkness
2010 - Rated R - 1 hr 57 min
Director: Martin Campbell
Starring: Mel Gibson, Ray Winstone, Danny Huston, Bojana Novakovic

So Mel's Boston accent isn't exactly up to par, but it was nice to see him working again after all the crap he was stirring up not too long ago.  He may be crazy, but he's pretty good in this crime thriller as an investigator who's daughter winds up dead, all because of a secret she was trying to expose.

His hunt for the truth gets him into some messy situations, not the least of which involves a poor unsuspecting friend of his daughter's.  Let's just say that car scene still makes me jump, even though I know it's going to happen. Yikes.

All around a good mystery/crime drama but nothing really sets it apart.

Movie #68 - Beowulf

Beowulf
Paramount Pictures
2007 - Rated PG-13 - 1 hr 55 min
Director: Robert Zemeckis
Starring: Robin Wright, Anthony Hopkins, John Malkovich, Crispin Glover, Angelina Jolie, Ray Winstone

I'm not gonna lie, this movie is a little bit weird. I really think it was made because they thought it would look cool. It does, it's true, but I didn't really find anything all that compelling about this movie.

For the most part, I'm too distracted by all the weird accents everyone is using... particularly Angelina Jolie. And since I'm watching all these movies alphabetically, when Grendel came on screen my first thought was, "Oh look! It's George McFly."

Anyway... I'm not that impressed with this one. It really seems like something a bunch of geeks made just because they could (and because they all had secret fantasies about Angelina Jolie in animated form.) That's all I got, folks.