Movie #4 - Mercury Rising

Mercury Rising
Universal Pictures
1998 - Rated R - 1 hr 52 min
Director: Harold Becker
Starring: Bruce Willis, Alec Baldwin, Chi McBride, Kim Dickens

My Bruce Willis triple feature continues with this movie I've never seen. Hooray, a new movie! I should have been more suspicious about it, though, when Mike refused to watch this Bruce Willis action movie with me. Pass on that? Really? As I recall, he said, "Watching that once was enough."

Uh oh.

I purposely did not read the back of the DVD case so I wouldn't know what to expect. Right away, we're at a bank robbery and Bruce Willis is a bad guy. Ooh, a movie where Bruce Willis isn't the hero - I like it! The wall explodes, the FBI comes in, and nope... he's undercover. Oh well. Now we're in a classroom with an autistic kid named Simon, who likes road maps and puzzles.... Rad.

Simon is apparently a Rain-Man genius and can crack hidden code in his World of Puzzles book, cuz he finds a phone number in some weird, primordial Sudoku puzzle thing and calls it. It's The Puzzle Center (are you freaking kidding me?) and because he's cracked some code, they are now freaking out. Enter Alec Baldwin, who is displeased to learn that "Mercury is failing" cuz some autistic kid likes numbers.

Right.

Then some unimportant side characters are quoting "The Simpsons," because it was cool to do that back then. Skip to underlings explaining to Baldwin that they put a code in a puzzle magazine just for funsies, and he is pissssssssssssssed. Cuz the kid that cracked it, "Not only is he nine years old, he is handicapped. He is autistic." But you know, autistic people are often "savants," say the other guys. I'm pretty sure this whole scene is no longer PC, but thanks 1998.

I'm getting the feeling that Bruce Willis is going to have to protect the handicapped savant. And oh! Some FBI poser just killed Simon's mom and dad. But Simon gets away! Tricky little kid. He's in the closet, Bruce Willis! Look in the closet!

Uh oh, the guy who shot Simon's parents wasn't sent by Alec Baldwin! They must protect the Mercury code or else people who are undercover in Saddam's Republic Guard will be revealed!! And now someone else knows.... oh no! (They're losing me here.)

After some chase scenes and a couple close calls with a train, they're going to stay at Chi McBride's! He still had a full head of hair in 1998, by the way. (Bruce Willis did not.)

Lots of crazy things happen, Bruce Willis and Alec Baldwin have a show down... then it's all over. Simon can go back to school, get some foster parents, etc. Bruce Willis feels good about himself now. Warm fuzzies for everyone.

I did not like this movie at all. And I can now see what Mike is talking about. I'm pretty sure he only owns this movie because it came sandwiched between 12 Monkeys and The Jackal. As he says, "It's like buying the 12-pack of Gatorade and getting stuck with 3 orange ones. No one likes the orange."

Well, I like orange Gatorade but I did not like Mercury Rising.